Aviaphobia
by Shadapadaboo
Summary: Jim Kirk had a shadow, one he was determined to shake.


**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN STAR TREK, ALL RIGHTS BELONG TO CBS, PARAMOUNT PICTURES AND THEIR BY GENE RODDENBURY. I OWN NO PART PAST OR PRESENT IN THIS FRANCHISE**

A/N:

I am trying my hand at something new. I don't know if this is really drabbles because they all coincide. The format I'm using is from a Mr. Sherman Alexie, you may have heard of him. Well if you know what this format is called please tell me .

Also I did not write this on paper prior to typing it, as I did for TheNineYards and am doing for another Fic I am working on that I have yet to post.

Another thing, I was going to write one for Spock but it was way too hard. So I'm sorry if you wanted one…

_If You Flame We Will Have a Bonfire and Make S'mores,_

_I'll Bring The Marshmallows._

With out Further Ado~

**Aviaphobia **

_The Stars which seem so distant_

_Can be within my grasp_

_If I just let go of this Earth_

_And free myself of the past_

**First Grade**

It's not the farthest I can remember, but it was the beginning, sorta. Maybe, because it was when I truly realized I didn't really stand a chance. I had raised my hand when she asked a question, my teacher that is. It wasn't really a mistake, except for the fact that I was the only knew what the hell she was talking about. But that was when I realized, every one knew what I was , not Jimmy Kirk, but the son of George Kirk.

From that first day, from the very moment in which I was born, I was set apart and given a ridiculous standard no child could ever reach, and the children of that classroom made me realize that. Every day was hell, Frank was just what sealed my conviction.

**Second Grade**

It was always verbal harassments, and Sam tried to take care of that but he couldn't always be there, now could he? He had his own fair share of problems (as fair as it gets when your dad's a hero and your mom leaves Earth and you with a drunk). But it was always verbal.

I think they were Sam's age, I'm still not sure, but they were big in the eyes of a scrawny 7 year old, that was the first time I was actually beaten up at school for "thinking I was smart" hell, I didn't think, I knew. But that attitude just got me a black eye and bruises all over. Note to Self: do not broadcast your intelligence ever again. Even so, I got another beating from Frank, y'know for 'being a sissy', my question is how the hell are you a sissy when you take two beatings and think " just wait till I'm older you'll get yours"? Thinking about it now, those thoughts shouldn't have seemed normal.

**Third Grade**

In third grade is when my fascination, yes Spock fascination, with the stars began. I checked out hundreds of books on planets, stars, Xeno-biology and cultures, even one on Starfleet's evolution. Yeah, that just earned me a beating, that was out of this world, from my mom, never told her I wanted to see strange new worlds again, no siree Bob. That day I decided the closest I'd ever get to a space ship was the Riverside Ship Yard.

I pretty much kept to myself, it was easy. No one wanted to be friends with the murderer of Riverside's pride and joy. Especially if he got in fights, it was always my fault, blame the kid doomed to fail. That's what I was in their eyes, I could never live up to my father's legacy. C'mon, what was it, 800 lives in less than 15 minutes? Not me.

**Fourth Grade**

"Your smart Jimmy, what do you want to be when you grow up? It'd make your Father proud if you joined Starfleet."- that is what Ms. Caldwell said. She was the first person to tell me I could make my father proud, and that really stuck with me. She would always say "Reach for the stars," then look right at me, that's the only thing I ever got beat up for and didn't mind.

Caldwell was also the first teacher to take me aside and give me a test. It was weird, at first I thought she was trying to get me ahead of the class, because she liked me so much. But a letter home, a parent-teacher conference, and speech on how I'll never be as good as George Kirk so I can forget it' from my mom, told me that she as trying to get me into trouble.

**Fifth Grade**

I threw the first punch, shattered the kid's nose real good too. That was the day I realized being a Kirk meant being stronger than everyone else, even if you didn't look it. We are a proud bunch of people, and I will always remember that day, because I threw the first punch and I would never get beat up at school again. I had stood up for myself, and ever since then I broadcasted my intelligence as I pleased.

Of course I was punished for shattering the kid's nose, and I remember Ms. Caldwell somehow got involved and how hurt she looked that I had beat someone up. The last thing she ever told me was this; " Jimmy, 'We never know how High we are, until we are called to rise…' don't be afraid to fly, I know you can."

I had no clue what she was talking about.

**Sixth Grade**

There were kids who knew what they were going to do after they graduate high school, they would use the next six years getting there. Some would go to college others would take over the family business, and a few even wanted to join Starfleet (I doubted they'd make it.). But, not me, I had no clue where I was going. Because anything I did had to be done on my own, just like everything in my life, I could never live up to the name of a ghost.

This was also the year I was given another test by my councilor Mr. Kindly. I was older and smart enough to figure out this was a placement test. So I decided I'd pass it this time too. I got another letter home and the same speech as before. But this time I was smart enough to read the letter and figure out they wanted to send me strait to High School, I doubt Dad ever did something like that. God, these people had some pretty rose-colored glasses on. Well, at least I could be privately happy, knowing I was a freakin genius right?

**Seventh Grade**

I kissed some girl, and got in my first fight about something stupid. At least I still had my pride, I mean they started it but, I definitely ended it. I really stopped caring about school but managed to pass with flying colors. I started wondering what the hell was wrong with the world? I was at the top of my classes and number one in the school but, of course! George Kirk, I could never be as good as him. Jesus, who said I was trying?

Every effort to break away from the name George Kirk made me less Of James T. Kirk. So I just rebelled. Even more so than I was already. Sure, people would say "See, he's a trouble maker!" or "Rebel", but they would also no longer call me George's boy. From that year on, I was Jim Kirk.

**Eighth Grade**

See, I never answered in my classes and didn't actually give a damn, so one day I decided to be a smart ass with the science teacher and she force me to write an essay on the biology of planet Vulcan as well as it's inhabitance. Me, being a smart ass, not only wrote a four page report (Not double spaced), but also delivered it in the Vulcan language. Yep I think being a genius pays off. I don't know why I did it but, I think it pissed her off more than I thought it would.

She was the third one to give me that dammed test, I decided to spare myself a lecture and failed it. I still got a note sent home and I still got the lecture.

**Ninth, Tenth, and Eleventh Grade**

Bar fights, hangovers, girls, giving broken limbs never getting, stupid crimes, police chases, never drugs, never parties ( you only went to those if you had friends ), and one very pissed off sheriff, who was a personal friend of your father's, staring at you through bars.

That's pretty much that.

**Twelfth Grade**

I had to write this one separately, because it's actually important. You see, even through all that I was passing school without really trying. And in my Senior year I had a poetry analysis unit.

In class she called us up in alphabetical order, via last name, and had us choose a slip of paper from a hat, this paper contained an author and a title of a poem. Mine, I remember, was by Dickinson I don't quite recall the title. You see, she had us memorize the poem and then write a two paragraph analysis. And my poem went like this:

"We never Know how high we are,

Until we are called to rise.

And then if we are true to plan,

Our statutes touch the sky.

The heroisms we recite,

Could be a daily thing.

For not ourselves the cupid's warp,

For fear to be a king."

In that I heard Ms. Caldwell, I heard my 'eight year old self' longing to see the stars. And me, knowing, no one would ever 'call me to rise'. Something changed in me. And later when Captain Pike found me in that bar, that day came into my mind. I was not afraid to be a king.

**Starfleet Academy**

I first arrive and loathed the thought of everyone knowing who I was. I did not want this to be school all damn over again. But no one knew who I was, and I realized that for the first time, no one expected anything from that smart-ass Kirk kid. This was my chance to fly.

They say most people, when they get tht chance, are afraid to of it, afraid of what it might mean.. But me, I've never feared the unknown.

And I have one more question: Why the hell did no one ever care what Sam did?

A/N:

You like it? This took a couple of hours but hey! It's done right? Now I'm not so sure how good it is so please tell me how I did.

Oh and here was the little poem thingy that I was going to use for Spock:

_Power and beauty,_

_Those words describes a star._

_But, for the human soul,_

_There are no words thus far._

Reviews are Cherished

_(This has been 1,862 words from Phronima's Power)_


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